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  • Thaqui Ali

Is Amirika up in the sky?

Updated: May 10

01:44 AM THURSDAY, Zaara stressed working on the boss's field document. Leaning back, closed the laptop, and took a deep breath. Turned off the room heater to make silence more clear and aromatic. Sensing the breezy January night, zipped up her jacket and closed the window. Made a cup of coffee, swiped off Joe’s unread messages. The clock’s ticking like never before, soothing yet distracting the flow otherwise. Though unready, and got back into her work posture, tapping the mouse aimlessly, Zaara randomly started to ponder about her past 29 years of living and doing.


Gradually moving towards gloomy thoughts, something is galloping her soul as if it vindictively waited for ages for this to come off. Her chest started to feel weighed and uncomfortably spacious. Unpredictably depressed, she pushed everything off the table and broke into tears. It’s not the stress, but the melancholy of sudden introspection that's pervading her. Before she could realize what’s happening to her, an infinite sequence of interlinked questions started popping up about her existence and direction. Zaara reached to a nail cutter in the desk nearby and vigorously scribbled a 3-lettered word ”Why!” on her coffee-brown work table. Part of her repeatedly hissing the answers in the most deathening voices. Unfortunately knowing the capability but being hesitant to take up her own responsibility made her feel worse. The clock’s ticking no more, night is not anymore visibly dark, It’s still 2:16 AM. For that particular moment staring at what she cannot recognize in her own space, she felt as if she was neither able to perceive life within nor around her.


Being becomes effortless to get away with whatever that's slid into. It’s not tough to live without questioning or reflecting on one’s existence and direction. Not risking to question only leaves us with existing knowledge and soon-gonna-be boring options which will drive us to live but not ride us alive. The knowledge we have is important but expanding its limits is equally essential. Questioning is one invaluable tool that helps to explore the untraveled grasslands, otherwise will always be hidden yet reachable. Like the internet dad, Professor Peterson always says it’s important to have that balance of chaos and order, giving and taking, questioning and following, etc. One has the power to reveal the untouched and the other drives us comfortably safe and secure. It’s neither of them but a balance of both that gives life meaning.


Wiping her eyes off, trying to breathe normally, Zaara reached for a bottle of water. Her wavering lips subtly in control widened for notably nothing. Her eyes recognized the light that isn’t lit or lit enough. Erasing everything else off she chose to take the responsibility and consciously wrote herself a role. Zaara took an oath to explore every why of her Being. She took a deep breath, this time added with a touch of satisfaction. Coffee is not anymore hot.

A glimpse of her freshly scribbled word art took her back to a childhood incident where baby Zaara asks everyone- Is Amirika up in the sky?

Few points are inspired from Dr. Jordan B Peterson’s lectures and his books, a few from writers' past encounters in life, and the rest is pure fiction.

Image credits: Pic by Anh Nguyen uploaded on Unsplash

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